Dating in general can be a problem for some people, but it is especially difficult for people with herpes. The fact that you have a contagious virus isn’t exactly first date conversation material, so you have to proceed with caution if you want to pursue a relationship when you have herpes. There are some things you can do to make your dating experience better, as well as improving the experience of your partner. Below are some suggestions to help you lead a normal dating life living with herpes.
It’s best to go through a few dates with a person before you figure out if he or she is even worth disclosing that you have herpes. There is no reason for you to start talking about your herpes if you aren’t going to see the person again in the future. Develop a system of trust before you spring that kind of news on your date. There are some people that like to just get it out of the way, and tell people right away, but I think it’s better to get to know someone first. How many dates have you gone on where it doesn’t lead to another? Probably a few. For that reason, it’s best to wait.
Assuming that you have been out with a person a few times and you think that you may want to have sex soon, you’re going to have to break the news to him or her. Not telling someone you have herpes before you have sex is one of the most irresponsible things to do. Allow your partner the choice whether to have sex with you knowing that you are positive. Pick a good time to talk to the person where there are no other distractions around. For obvious reasons, public places like restaurants, coffee shops, etc are probably not the best place to have this discussion. A private place is best.
Your partner can go through a wide range of reactions such as shock, curious, or totally accepting. If they have questions, it’s important that you’ve done your research on the virus so that you can explain exactly what this will mean to them. Sometimes YOU may be shocked to find out your partner also has herpes. I’ve heard many stories of that happening, so don’t entirely rule that out. Even if your partner doesn’t have herpes, it is not guaranteed that you will pass it on to him or her. If you do not have sex during or shortly after an outbreak, chances are you will never pass it on at all. Herpes is entirely treatable, so your partner really has nothing to fear. If he or she learns to accept the news, you can date and have intercourse just like you would normally, keeping the herpes in mind.