Tag Archives: Herpes Relationships

Some of the Best Ways to Tell your Partner you Have Herpes

Herpes is a sexually transmitted disease that has no known cure. This means that if you are infected with it, you would have to be responsible enough to let your partner know so that your partner will be protected from the disease as well. If your partner is also infected, then telling him or her might be necessary so that both of you can get the appropriate treatment. With this in mind, what are the best ways to tell your partner you have herpes? This task may be difficult but remember that both and your sexual partner’s health conditions are at stake and this is a matter that needs to be brought out in the open as soon as possible.

The best ways to tell your partner you have herpes will mainly depend on your current relationship status. For married couples, this can be an especially difficult discussion, even more so if herpes was caught outside of the marriage, as opposed to having the disease lay dormant and go undetected for years, which certainly does happen. As long as you keep an open line of communication, telling your partner about it will not be as difficult as difficult as it looks like.

The means by which you tell your partner about your condition, may not be as important as telling your partner with utter sincerity in your tone and actions. First and foremost, honesty needs to come into play. Whether you got the disease by cheating, or if you got it before the relationship, you need to be honest and let your partner know that you do have it. Being prepared to answer questions is extremely important, as your partner will have many. You should be well versed in what your partner can expect, if they do contract the disease, and let them know what sort of drugs, diets, etc, can help lessen an outbreak if they do contract it. Always let them know the risks that they may be taking having sex with you, especially unprotected sex, which is not recommended if one of the parters has herpes.

Always have this conversation in private. This isn’t something that you’ll want to take your date or boyfriend/girlfriend to dinner, and spring this up in front of a room full of people. I don’t especially like telling people over the phone or by email or text either. It’s best to have this conversation one on one, so your partner can see your sincerity and you can better judge and react to how they’re feeling as well.

What could be worse is if you let your fear of rejection get into you, and your partner ends up acquiring the disease as well just because you were afraid to tell him or her about it. That may lead to a more complicated situation compared to if you immediately told your partner about your condition in the first place.

Regardless of when or how you tell your partner about it, what’s important is that you do it with all honesty and with good intentions. Never have sex with someone without telling them you have herpes. Having sex with someone doesn’t mean that you will necessarily pass herpes, but allow your partner to take the risks and make that choice and not you making that decision for them.

Having “The Talk” About Genital Herpes

Genital herpes is a common sexually-transmitted disease that affects more people than anyone thinks. Close to 20% of the adult population, which is almost one out of every five adults, have herpes. Many of those infected do not even know they have the disease, and this is because they experience no symptoms, or have very mild ones that are easily overlooked or mistaken for a simple skin infection. Sadly, however, even dormant or asymptomatic (symptom-less) cases are very contagious, and so people with herpes need to be very careful to avoid infecting their sexual partners.

Given this, it can be difficult for an infected person to build and maintain an intimate relationship. It is necessary that he informs his sexual partner (or partner-to-be) of his disease and its highly communicable nature. With or without the presence of sores or an active outbreak, sexual contact can transmit genital herpes. It is possible to prevent infection by using condoms, but this method isn’t foolproof. Condom use does not give a hundred percent secure protection from genital herpes. Sometimes, especially during an outbreak, abstinence from sex is the only way to prevent transmission of the disease.

Having “the talk” involves letting the partner know about all this pertinent information. To reveal the fact that one has genital herpes is in itself a difficult, but necessary task. One must also be ready to disclose the clinical facts about the disease that the partner may ask about. Indeed, the other person needs to know these facts when they consider whether to continue the relationship or not.

After having “the talk,” there is a very real possibility that the other person may decide to end the relationship. Understandably, this can cause great emotional pain, especially if the infected person really cares for their partner. But one must realize that revealing their infection is the right thing to do, and sooner or later, the disease will be discovered by their partner. It is better that you volunteer the information now rather than when your partner learns about it when they has contracted the disease. If they decides to end the relationship now, after learning of you having genital herpes, it can mean that their affections do not run very deep, and the relationship is bound to fail anyway.

With these in mind, the infected person must realize that having “the talk” is really unavoidable and the right thing to do. Nonetheless, you will naturally feel anxious about it, and will need to prepare himself for the task. These useful tips will help you be prepared:

You should choose a comfortable place to have “the talk.” It should be a place where you feel at ease and not self-conscious or nervous. It can be at home or in a public place such as a park.

There should be ample time for the discussion. It should not be rushed, so that all the things you need to say can be said.

There shouldn’t be interruptions from the phone, from other people, or whatever distractions.

The talk should take place before any sexual contact. It is but appropriate to let the other person know that there is a risk of getting infected before actually having sex.

You should be calm and straightforward as you reveal the facts. Mentioning that herpes is very common and is benign or dormant most of the time will help make the news easier to take.

You should be ready to accept the other person’s decision to end the relationship, or to have some time to consider things before they see each other again.

Having “the talk” is not all bad. Going through it means that one wants a serious, mature, responsible and caring relationship. And should the other person decide to pursue the relationship despite the fact their partner has genital herpes, they can begin a relationship that is not all superficial or shallow, but something that is precious, real and enduring.

Herpes & Dating: How To Get Back Into Dating

So, you find out that you have herpes. One of the biggest worries about people who are infected with herpes is the thought that they will never be able to date again. This is wrong. Dating can still be very well a normal part of your life. However, starting today, you must be very cautious some things when looking for people to date. Just remember that despite having herpes, nothing changed within you. Whatever personality you had before acquiring herpes will never go away, and people will still love you for those qualities. It is not entirely bad to have herpes & dating can still be done as long as you keep in mind the things that you will read here.

Herpes & Dating: When To Start The Topic
It is normal for people to feel awkward and uncomfortable to date after learning that they have herpes. To some, it might feel like hiding a nasty secret, and everyone knows that dating needs a certain level of honesty if you want it to continue to a closer kind of relationship. However, divulging information about certain things like herpes needs preparation time, not only for you, but for the person you are dating. Both of you needs to know each other first and have a certain kind of bond, before revealing information about your herpes.
There is no definite time on when to reveal that information, but don’t keep it a secret until after you have sex with each other. It is also a bad time to reveal your situation when you are about to have sex, because the level of attraction at that moment might be too high, and it can cause both of you to make decisions that you will regret in the future. Until you tell him, stay on the safe side. Don’t risk too much skin contact. If you have genital herpes, kissing and fondling should be the threshold.

Herpes & Dating: Dealing With Rejection
At one point, you would have to deal being rejected after revealing that you have herpes. It will hurt at first, but remember: if a person rejects you because of a condition that you have, then he or she would probably be unwilling to take your relationship up to the next level. Dating a person can bring out the best and worst in a person: It’s either the person will reject you or the person will accept you no matter what condition you are in, and obviously, you would want to look for the latter person. If the person immediately rejects you after learning about your condition, then that person is probably already trying to find a way out, and is only using herpes as an excuse to run and disappear. It might be difficult, but eventually, you will find someone who will accept you for who you are. These kinds of people are the ones who prioritize love and care over certain levels of intimacy. Just keep trying, and you will find that person.

The Social Stigma of Having Herpes

It is undeniable that any person having herpes would suffer from a certain kind of social stigma. Some may question this preposition; however, the fact is that we live in a society where many are not comfortable being in a relationship when it is affected by sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes. Because herpes is not curable, it’s one disease that many people who have sex are extremely scared of catching. I think it would be safe to say that the majority are just uneducated about the disease, but the rumors and myths surrounding it, doesn’t help. In fact, more often than not, persons with herpes actually fears having “the talk” with potential partners, because of fear of rejection and everything that comes with it. In this case, such people affected with herpes only suffer more. I can’t even tell you about how many people that I’ve personally spoken to, that have herpes, that know very little to nothing about it. These are people that have had it for years! Getting the facts and figures concerning the disease is not only in their own best interest, but to educate partners as well.

However, it may appear that there is a downward trend in the perception that herpes as a subject to talk about is taboo. According to a recent survey, a slight majority of both people infected with herpes and people free from herpes actually agrees that herpes is not as taboo to talk about anymore. It may be the sheer number of people infected, or that we’re becoming more liberal as a society. Take note that in prior times, every disease connected with sexually transmitted was almost entirely forbidden, especially when the subject of sex itself is still considered taboo. But with conservative views increasingly drowned by the more liberal voices of today’s youth, people are now more open in talking about sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes. This is a great situation that people affected with herpes must take advantage of. One of the major steps in successfully dealing with herpes is for the affected patient to actually know more about what his or her disease is really all about, knowing the facts and the figures behind this disease. In this case, it surely helps for people to talk to somebody, rather than keeping to oneself.

However, with herpes being the second sexually transmitted disease with the worst stigma (with HIV being the first), being able to treat it is easier said than done. One of the major reasons behind it is that this disease can spread easily, even with condoms and no outbreak in sight. However, it is important to note that there are medications, different foods that help suppress, and even living stress free lives that can drastically can help contain this disease, and all it takes for patients is to have the courage to consult a trusted doctor. Don’t let the stigma of herpes get in your way to finding or having a healthy relationship. It’s up to you to educate your partners and know your own body to asset any potential risk of spreading it.

How to Tell Your Potential Partners You Have Herpes

One of the single most difficult things that a person with herpes can face in a relationship is “The Talk.” In fact, I personally know a few individuals that have genital herpes that almost avoid relationships altogether, because they don’t want to have to divulge it. Personally, I don’t think anyone needs to go to that extreme. If you have herpes, then you know that herpes is extremely contagious and when you’re in a relationship, it’s definitely something that needs to be addressed before things get intimate. I hear time and time again about how individuals caught herpes because their partners willingly never told them. I don’t believe there’s any excuse for that. Everyone deserves the choice whether or not to be intimate with someone that possesses herpes. It would not be fair for them if they didn’t know something that would affect their life if they caught it. Most people are scared of telling their partner because of how he or she will react. Here are a few simple guidelines that may help you get through “The Talk.”

First and foremost, you never want to tell someone that you have herpes when you’re already under the sheets. When you think your relationship is to the point where you might become sexually active, that’s a good time to start discussing it. Some people like to tell people right away, so they feel there’s nothing to hide going into the relationship. I believe potential partners should get to know you a bit, before you give out this personal information.

One of the keys is that you’ll want to make sure that you don’t frighten your potential partner when explaining to them that you have herpes. Make sure that you think of how they might respond so that you can best prepare yourself with the information that they might need. Being knowledge about about the virus is extremely helpful to answer any initial immediate questions they may have. Try to avoid telling them that you have a problem that you need to talk to them about as this might already set panic in on them. You need to be straight forward and honest with the person before considering sexual intercourse. They deserve that much from you with this kind of commitment.

You may start off with “There is something I need to tell you. A few years ago, I contracted herpes from my boyfriend/girlfriend,” etc. Calmly explain to them what herpes is and maybe telling them that one in five people suffer from this condition or that even as high as 80% of the HSV-1, oral herpes and may not even know it. You may also want to tell them about ways that you can avoid passing it and how you can both lead healthy, active sex lives without ever infecting your partner. However, mentioning that herpes is a disease might not be in your best interest when trying to keep the conversation calm. Most people tend to freak out when they hear the word disease. Mentioning that herpes is common might help ease some of their concerns and make swallowing this news a lot easier on them and you.

Find the perfect time to tell your partner this news. Don’t force the action on someone by calling them at work or walking into their home before a date and saying that you need to talk about something. Wait for the perfect time, like over a romantic dinner or something. Don’t become defensive when talking about your herpes as the other person will more than likely have questions concerning it. Even if you have herpes, it might still be in your best interest to politely ask if your potential partner has any sexually transmitted diseases as well. This might protect you from further discomfort. The news might be hard for your partner to deal with at first, but time should help heal this problem. You and your partner will grow from this and have a better relationship because of the honesty.